We all have them.  People in our lives who say we can’t make it happen.  Who tell us it’s too difficult and the challenges are too great.  The people who call themselves realists while we call ourselves optimists.  They are the naysayers. The ones who say no.

I’ve had them.  

My Motivators

I bought my first home when I was 19.  M 26 year old friend told me that I could never do it because I was too young and it was too difficult.  To this day, I truly believe part of the reason I pressed on, even when the purchase seemed impossible, was because of this comment.  I turned his no into yes.

Within my first year of business, I had a close family member tell me that I could never run a photography business for profit and that I needed to be sure I kept my day job.  Whenever I hit a milestone goal in my business – that’s the person I want to call. I turned his no into yes.

In college, I was discouraged to continue in my desired field because of perceived inability to teach by my professors.  That very discouragement is what fired my soul to prove them wrong. I turned my professors nos into yeses.

Are You Going to Make it Happen?

This is the difference between people who make it happen and people who are afraid of it happening.  Success has nothing to do with your circumstances, your life situations or the “cards you’re dealt”.

You’ve heard the saying, “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.”  It’s true. What debilitates one person, motivates another.

Be Open To Constructive Criticism

I consider myself a person who can take constructive criticism pretty well. I’ve never been too personally attached to my work – so I can have someone tell me what’s wrong with it and I take what they have to tell me and try to get better.  Rather than letting their criticism cripple me, it educates me and motivates me to be more.

I remember my very first print competition.  

Three out of four prints merited. I received two judge’s choice awards and also received Idaho’s “Rookie of the Year” award for 2008.  What a great way to start my professional journey!

When I took one of the judges aside and asked him what was wrong about the photograph that did NOT merit, he said to me, in the most non-diplomatic way possible, “That picture looks like your two-year-old could have taken it.  There’s no way that THAT photograph and the others you took are from the same artist.” I laughed. And it was not nervous laughter. I appreciated his honesty and loved his candor.

When I asked him more detail about what he meant and he explained why he felt that way.  I never once took this personally – I truly wanted to know how to get better.

It’s Not Personal

That very same conference, a long-standing professional photographer in the valley had entered into competition some of her prints. Picture a pregnant woman draped with flowy fabric and blue jeans highly processed finish of 2009.

She’d asked the same man about this print and he – again – was unapologetic in his candor and lack of diplomacy.  She fired back, “That’s insane. This print made me a ton of money and you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather hear what others have to say, process it and then decide for myself if it’s worth taking into consideration.

We can glean a lot from others and if we continually believe we have it all together, we’re not going to learn.  Instead of taking the criticism at face value, this woman decided it was not worth her time to hear what he had to say about the print and reacted defensively.  

People Are Here to Mold You

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You definitely want to surround yourself with those who will support your achievements and encourage you to a better you, but you cannot avoid those who will try their hardest to bring you down.  Rather than allowing them to deflate you, you have to choose to allow them to motivate you.

Go ahead, prove them wrong.  Turn their nos into yeses and just watch what will happen.  I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly you rise.

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It’s a little embarrassing to tell this story. It’s the very thing I tell new photographers to avoid when they are starting out. But I didn’t know any different – I was very naive – which is probably the very reason I jumped in with both feet. And now that I am safely into year 11 of running an official business, I can go ahead and tell my story – as mortifying as it is.

It All Started with A Pop-Up

Lumuli (my husband) was attending his father’s funeral in Kenya. His dad had unexpectedly passed away a short two months before Lumuli and I had a trip planned to Kenya to meet his family. So – we rushed Lumuli on a plane to be with his family during this difficult time.

Now, Lumuli and I do not shy away from the phone. We spent the majority of our two-year courtship on the phone, with some conversations lasting over 8 hours. YES. EIGHT HOURS. So – when he was in Kenya, of course we’d planned to have some phone conversations. Idaho is 12 hours behind Kenya.  So I would often stay up late in order to receive his call.

One evening, as I was surfing the net, waiting for an appropriate hour to call my husband, I came upon a Wedding Website. There was a flashing pop-up that read, “Advertise your wedding business here.” Hmmmm. I thought. I wonder if I could advertise my wedding photography business. The one I didn’t have.

This was my first calling to entrepreneurship.

Naivete Can Be a Good Thing in the World of Entrepreneurship

Now – there were several reasons why this thought came into mind.  First – I had a nice camera. I probably spent a good $350 on it a few years ago (ha!). I wasn’t QUITE sure how to use it – but I knew how to put it on auto. And based on my wedding photographer search from the year before, I felt that I would be able to offer more. I had always been ambitious, so the idea of owning my own business was exciting. All of these things were driving me toward entrepreneurship, but honestly, the thing that drove me the most was that we needed the money. With Lumuli moving here on a fiancé visa, work was hard to come by. We were barely scraping by to make enough money for us to live month-to-month. So – It was a no-brainer. I thought – why not? Let’s use this free advertising ad and  just see what I get.

Cart Before the Horse

The next thought was “what should I name my business?” – because obviously (insert sarcasm) you need to figure out a business name before you can do anything with your business. Since my husband was from Kenya, I decided to go with “Ashki Photography”. With Ashki meaning love in swahili it seemed to be a perfect fit! So there it was. My new business, Ashki Photography would be where I would begin my journey to entrepreneurship.

“Affordable”

At the time, I was not savvy with technology. I barely knew how to get onto the internet, so it’s beyond me how I figured out how to advertise with an online wedding website! The attractive quality I put out there for my potential clients was that I was “affordable” (cough, cough). I couldn’t use any of the other adjectives, because I had never even used my own camera in manual mode, nor had I ever taken on an actual wedding. BUT – I could definitely photograph your wedding as an inexperienced photographer on the cheap. And “cheap” was still an extra $300 I’d get on top of my teaching job. That was a big percentage of my normal paycheck! This entrepreneurship-thing was looking better with each passing decision!

Three weeks later, I received a phone call. “Stacy” said was getting married the Saturday before Lumuli and I were scheduled for our trip to Kenya to meet his family. The DAY before we were to leave. If you haven’t ever left on a trip overseas, the day before you leave is not the day to take on a BRAND NEW “experiment”. I was so high on the possibility of doing this for a living, I told her YES! I could do it. Let’s meet for a no-obligation consultation.

She met with me later that week. In my home. That’s where my studio was.  I brought out my scrapbook with ornately cut photographs from a wedding where I was a guest. I told her that I’d never photographed a wedding before, but that I would be able to photograph hers and get as good, if not better photographs than what she saw in my cheesy, embellished scrapbook.  

It Worked

Well. She hired me. For $300 + cost of goods – which was basically 4×6 images in an album. I don’t remember for sure, but I believe I shot the whole wedding in auto (THE HORROR!!!). I used a camera I’d received only a few weeks before and I bought a 2 gb CF Card for $200 along with our new iMac computer. We risked over $5000 for that first wedding. And I’ve never looked back.

The post My Start to Entrepreneurship appeared first on Watch Your Business Grow.

I had had a bit of a break from him for a few months. The last time I’d seen him, he was at my front door, pounding and demanding me to let him in. Now – I had just seen him at a concert and he told a mutual acquaintance that he was going to find me. I left the concert that evening and finally began pressing charges a few days later.

Navigation around the legal system became my pastime. I soon realized that I would have to be in court with this man.

I Needed Help

Upon that realization, I knew I needed help, so I asked a close relative of mine – “Sam” – if she wouldn’t mind coming with me to the hearing to be my moral support. She willingly agreed with no hesitation.

As the time for the first trial came near, Sam called me to let me know that she wasn’t going to be able to join me at the hearing. She’d mentioned that her husband had recently lost her job and the stress of the court case was simply too much for her. After scrambling around in my brain for a second, I asked her, “Do you think you’ll be able to come once he gets a job?”.

I was immediately met with a combative, “YOU ARE SO SELFISH!!! How is it that you ONLY think of yourself?”

I buckled, sat in fetal position, cried and reflected. Was I blind to my faults? In that reflection, I loathed. I spoke unkindly to myself and told myself I was a burden and that I shouldn’t expect support or help from anyone. And that anyone who gave me that support needed to be profusely thanked and praised – knowing that I would NEVER be able to repay the “debt” of their support.

I was a 22 year old college student at the time, finishing my degree and dealing with the nonsense of a delusional man. Sam was a 31 year old stay at home mom with two children, 9 and 10, at home.

Okay. I wasn’t the most sensitive with my response to her backing out of her promise, but she had 9 years of life-experience on me. In asking that question, I was not being unreasonable. I was simply coming at that question from a 22 year old’s perspective. After all, she was telling ME that the trial I would testify in for MY STALKER was TOO MUCH for her.

I Did Not Want to Be Hurt

This may have been the beginning of difficulty setting boundaries.

I have spent the last 20 years attempting to see things from everyone else’s perspective. This kind of humility can be commendable, but most of it is a terribly unrealistic view of the world. Instead of seeing things from the truthful side, I often take the place of blame, whether I am to blame or not. I do this, simply to not rock the boat.

This is not a good coping mechanism as you mature.

I have lost friendships, my sense of self-worth and my compass for truth. All because I didn’t want to be vulnerable.

Well, friends. Times have changed. I am SO PROUD of the progress I’ve made in the last 6 months. Today was the perfect example.

Trades in Business

I met this gal, Tina, at a local “Trusting Your Instincts” workshop. She contacted me a few months later and asked if I would be willing to trade my services for hers. Not really needing any kind of natural healing at the time, I agreed. I had the availability. Besides, I thought – “Well – if it’s not something that works, I’ll just call it an even trade.” My pricing was sent and she replied. “Yes – that works great – it’s about the same as my sessions, so it will be a pretty even trade.”

Her Branding Session came and went and she ordered 18 digital files. This was going to be a large trade, but I wanted to do this favor for her, so I didn’t mention the amount. I gave her the images less than a week later. She’d asked for the invoice a couple of times, but since it was a trade and the amount was easily calculated (I charge per digital file for Branding Sessions), it was not on the forefront of my mind.

I saw her once before today, a few months ago. My fall/winter months have been exceptionally busy, and since our youngest is still at home two days a week, it was difficult for me to find time to see her – especially since I’d actually been feeling pretty well!

I walked in to her office/living room and we hugged. We sat down for a few minutes and I told her that I had sent the invoice to the Dropbox where she’d accessed the images before. I then approached the idea of possibly having my mom come in for some sessions since the trade was fairly large. Then suprisingly, she said, “Well, we’ll see. I’m feeling very put out. I’d asked you for the invoice several times and I had no idea how much you would be charging.”

I Won’t Take Responsibility for Your Emotions

My 22 year old self would have tossed aside my boundaries and said, “You’re right. It seems like there was a misunderstanding. I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear.” By itself, it’s not a bad response. However, when you take into consideration that we’d had a specific message on pricing, I couldn’t take blame.  I showed her in the Facebook message where we had “chatted” about the amount. She defensively responded, “I never saw that – I never got that”. Then – I showed her where she responded acknowledging the pricing. She tried to say that she never looks at messenger. Instead of saying, “I should have sent it to you in another way,” I said, “Well, you contacted me originally through Facebook.” At this point, I wasn’t relaxed for our session. I told her I just wanted to leave. Her debt would be absolved and I would cut my losses.

I continued, “I never want people to leave my services feeling unhappy in any way. And honestly, I don’t really want any services from you at this point. I am going to leave and just consider it a bigger gift than I had originally planned. Merry Christmas”.

She said, “I value your services, and I see where I didn’t understand what your charges are, but I would like to still try to make this right for you and for me.”

I told her that I simply did not want to waste any of my time or energy on coming up with another solution. That I’d rather just leave and cut my losses. I told her “Merry Christmas” and left.

I Have Worked Hard

I’m actually really proud of myself for not taking the blame when it wasn’t my doing. Instead of forcing the session to “keep face”, I called it what it was and left. I am a kind-hearted person. And I do still feel for her. I know how badly it sucks when there is a major miscommunication. But I was able to let it go. I didn’t take responsibility for her emotions. This is one of the few times I’ve been able to do that and I feel great knowing that I stood up for myself and spoke truth.

I guess a few months of self-help books, podcasts and working out religiously really does wonders in someone’s psyche. Damn, I’m proud of myself for setting boundaries.

Boundaries are Necessary

I really love this image I saw on God in Real Life. It has a religious connotation, but whether you are a Christian or not, the lessons on boundaries rings true. This is a great measurement tool when discovering healthy boundaries.

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